This past week was such an eye opener for me. I finally realized who was going to be there for me and who wasn’t. I’ve always had this problem of hanging onto people who were extremely negative and stressful who pile all of their problems on me without ever offering to help me with my own and I am SICK of being put into that position over and over again. Don’t get me wrong, if they are my friend and they are going through a hard time, I am right there for them, no questions asked. But, if I bring them suddenly life altering, happy-as-can-be news and they respond by getting jealous and upset and basically making me feel like shit, I don’t need that in my life. I am done with that.
If my closest friend can’t be happy for me when I’m happy, are they really even my friend? I realized quite quickly that that couldn’t be true. I was always happy for them when exciting new things happened in their life and I had always been truthful and supportive and I really did not deserve to get sent a bunch of angry texts about what a horrible person I was, because after examining myself, I realized I’m not. I am not a horrible person.
That’s quite a recent realization for me and I’m honestly surprised I came to that conclusion. A few years ago (heck even a few months ago) I would’ve agreed because my low self esteem and depression would have ate away at me until I believed those harsh words. But they didn’t ring true this time. I didn’t let their words hold any power over me. And it was a liberating and wonderful feeling. Yes, my low self esteem and depression will come back to haunt me, but they didn’t this time, and that was progress.
But at the same time, this realization did end up with me letting go of my closest friend. And even though I made this process sound easy, it was really hard. She’s been my best friend for over a year now and in that time we’ve made lots of great memories and had lots of fun together. I will always hold those memories dear to my heart. Because that’s all they can be now. Just memories of the life I used to lead. Over and out my friends.