Do you have those moments in your life where everything just seems to happening at once to the point where it becomes an overwhelming mess? Well that is the definition of my life lately. And the sad thing is, if someone on the outside were to take a casual look at my life they’d say it was going pretty well, that on the surface everything was looking good and I should stop complaining and just be happy. But it doesn’t work like that. Especially not when your life consists of over analyzing every little thing until it begins to cause physical pain as well as emotional torture. I think I need to go into detail so excuse me for a second while I go on a little rant.
Today just got to be too much for me. School is coming upon it’s final month here and of course that always comes with the usual end-of-the-year-struggle where every paper, project and test is coming my way at a million miles an hour and I just can’t seem to catch my breath. Then there’s the fact that I’ve been feeling so anxious and so depressed lately that I had to quit my internship early just to give me extra time in my life (which is most likely going to be used to get the mass amounts of school work done). On top of that, I’ve been feeling unwanted and easily replaceable in my social circle to the point where I’ve had to take long walks in the middle of the day specifically so I can sort out how those interactions have affected me. The cherry on top of this already huge, surmounting snow ball, is that I learned that the job I have been working at for years said that I am not eligible for a raise because I made one mistake in 2016 and apparently that’s all it takes!
All of this of course has triggered my anxiety to the point where I am feeling literal pain in my neck and back. I haven’t had a panic attack yet (thank goodness) but I have been on the verge several times and several times I’ve had to talk myself down from that metaphorical ledge. I know logically that all of this will get better and slow down in time but when I’m being illogical and just want to scream into the void (any void would do, I’m not picky) I feel like it’s always going to be this way and that I’ll never shake this feeling. But I know I will because I honestly feel myself getting a little stronger each day. We’ll call them baby steps, because that is what it’s going to take to break apart this snowball of a week for me.
Sorry to dump all of that on you guys. Is anyone else having a particularly bad week? If so, if you want to talk, just drop me a comment! Over and out my friends.