That Crazy Scary Thing Known as the Future

This weekend was Easter weekend, so of course I got to see a bunch of my extended family members (who are all lovely people by the way). But when it comes to the annual “catch up” known as Easter there comes the inevitable question: So, what are your plans for after college? This seems like a perfectly innocent question, doesn’t it? But it isn’t. Especially when you have no freaking clue what your plans are or what you’re going to do with the rest of your life. When you have simply no idea what path your life is headed down or if your even going to make good, rational life decisions and get a “real job” like everyone expects you to.

So what do I do instead of answering this question seriously? I make jokes about it and shrug it off like it’s a concept that I haven’t even considered when in reality I think about it way too much. Instead of being serious I answered this question with responses like “I’m just going to drop into the abyss”, “I’m just going to take life one day at a time”, or my personal favorite “Que sera sera I guess!” (which is a reference to a song by Doris Day which loosely means “whatever will be will be!”) The fact that I have not been able to come up with a life plan for myself scares the living crap out of me. Everywhere I look people are getting their lives together and living their dreams. They’re taking risks and taking advantage of opportunities while I’m huddled in the corner letting life pass me by, too afraid to even join in most days.

The future is just too much of an unknown entity for me. It’s something that cannot be predicted. Sure I can try to plan for the future, but that doesn’t mean my plans will go through or that I’ll ever make something of myself or live the “happily ever after” I was promised as a kid who watched way too much Disney for her own good. Some days I look toward to future with hope in my eyes and a spring in my step and other days I look at it as if it were a hovering storm cloud waiting to drop a tornado on me at any moment. Only time will tell which one is likely to be the most accurate. And time isn’t sharing the secret with me. Over and out my friends.

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