Why Won’t You Talk To Me?

We all know that as time goes on we tend to lose track of friends when we become too consumed in our own lives. Our lives are constantly changing, nothing is ever static, but yet we often hope that most of our friends will remain constant. That isn’t too much to ask, is it? That those who say they care about us stick with us through the thick and the thin? I don’t think that’s asking too much. But that’s just me, apparently I’ve been wrong.

Losing track of people is one thing, throughout the years, I’ve learned how to handle (and sometimes expect) that to happen. It’s normal, no big deal. However, when it comes to the people who are currently in your life, it’s a different story. These people are not supposed to just drop off the face of the earth without rhyme or reason. In fact, if they’re going to move forward without you, they should just either say so or phase you out slowly. I can personally handle both of those techniques. Most of my past friends have slowly phased me out of their lives, which is totally fine, I get that.

What really bugs me though is when one day everything is fine, we’re texting and having fun and life is great. Then suddenly, a day later, that changes. Now when I send a text, I don’t get an immediate response like I used to. I tell myself that they’re just busy. They’ll see it soon and respond. No big deal. Just because they were active online a minute ago doesn’t mean that they logged off deliberately when I sent my message. The world does not revolve around you, I repeat to myself over and over as I stare at my phone, waiting to hear back.

Then an hour goes by, and during that hour, they’ve been online multiple times and refused to even so much as glance at my message. Ok, now I’m getting worried, but not so much as to freak out yet. Maybe they saw it in their notifications and just forgot to reply? Yes, that’s it, that has to be it. I’ll just double text them with something cute, like an emoji or a funny meme I found.

Now a day goes by. At this point, it is no longer a “Oh I totally forgot to respond to that” kind of a situation. It’s a full on “I don’t want to talk to you” kind of thing that came out of nowhere. This is when the anxiety sets in. It comes with the uncertainty of whether or not this friendship is going to make it out alive. Then begins the endless wondering about what I might’ve done wrong or if there’s something I could do to fix this before it’s shattered beyond repair. I get scared to text again for fear that I’ll look needy when all I want is to know where we stand. Are we still friends? Is my worrying an overreaction or is that just what you want me to think? I’m still here for you, are you still here for me? It takes less than 10 seconds to reply to my text with a standard “I’m busy right now” or a “Sorry I’ll talk to you later”. Therefore, neither one of those are the case and again my heart beats as fast as a drummer in a school marching band.

Sometimes, it doesn’t even take a social situation to set off my anxiety. Sometimes it’s also the lack of socialization or the uncertainty that comes with interpersonal relationships that sends my anxiety running through the hills like a crazy banshee. There really is no way to win against my anxiety in the long run. My solution to these problems is generally to put myself out there and make myself known and then wait to see if my feelings are reciprocated. If they are, awesome, I’m so glad. If they aren’t, well at least I tried to make a go of it. That’s how I’ve been trying to look at these things lately. I used to go into a negative, self-absorbed tail spin that would send me spiraling back down into my low self-esteem and delve even deeper into my depression. But I’ve grown a little since then. I’ve learned to take things as they are instead of beating myself up about it all the time. Sure, there’s still a little bit of lingering regret and wonder, but not to the point where it consumes me whole, body and soul.

Has anyone else experienced similar situations? I’d love to hear your own responses and experiences! Over and out my friends.

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One thought on “Why Won’t You Talk To Me?

  1. I used to message this one friend a lot. I’d tell her about my problems and what was going on with my day. Sometimes I felt like I complained to her too much about things though.

    What really started to make me consider if I was depending on certain friends too much is when I had a falling out with another friend in January-ish. The issue related to anxiety. I had agreed to meet her at this meditation thing but I ended up feeling too anxious to go and even to pick up the phone and text her about my cancellation. She ended up getting mad at me bc I didn’t seem all that sorry that I stood her up. The truth is I was sorry but perhaps I didn’t seem genuine because I was so focused on feeling afraid that she wouldn’t believe me if I said I felt too anxious to text her earlier when I knew I wasn’t coming. She blew up at me for that but also bc she had stuff going on in her personal life and was taking it out on me. Later she apologized for losing her temper on me for things she was dealing with personally. Anyway, I haven’t seen her in person since we made up. I’ve texted her sorta on some occasions but mostly I don’t message her about my problems like I used to. I have social anxiety as does she. We actually met at a support group for SA. I just feel like maybe I don’t want to confide her like I used to bc I was treating her as if she was my therapist and that was not right. I know I was in the wrong for standing her up. I know I hurt her by acting that way and apologized, which she accepted. I tried to text her every now and then after that with “how are you?” but often felt like a fraud since I didn’t know what to talk to her about without involving social anxiety into the equation. I can imagine she might’ve been puzzled about why I stopped texting her as often, even though she’s never outright asked me if something happened.

    Liked by 1 person

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