I’m not going to skirt around it, I’m just going to say it: I suck at controlling my emotions in any normal way. For example, if someone shows up 10 minutes late for our plans, I start getting annoyed. Other people would totally understand that there are millions of reasons why they are late. Maybe they had to run an errand. They could’ve just lost track of time. Maybe the roads are bad. Perhaps they had to stop and get gas. These are all totally normal things that could be happening. But are those the conclusions I jump to? Absolutely not! That would be just way too easy.
No, I’m think kind who takes things to the worst possible extreme at the drop of a hat. My thoughts range anywhere from I must be a complete nuisance and they didn’t even want to hang out in the first place to I don’t matter to them, what’s wrong with me? That is, those are my thoughts when I know that they’re okay. If I don’t know if they’re okay, I automatically assume there’s been a horrific accident or that some sort of life altering event has occurred. I have no idea if that’s my anxiety talking or from years of consuming mass media and thinking there’s horrors around every corner. Either way, it’s not exactly a normal reaction!
Now, I’m not the kind who generally says anything about it or gets upset to the point of screaming and yelling the roof off. No, that’s not how it happens with me. It’s more of a slow boil, just underneath the skin. No one notices it, but it’s there. Then something small will happen. Some minor inconvenience and BAM! Now I’m really mad. Like I-would-turn-into-the-Hulk-if-I-had-the-ability mad. But the thing is, I still won’t say anything. My retreat? Silence. Sometimes, my silence speaks a lot louder than any words I could ever say. If I’m really upset, silence becomes my ally. My hidden warrior. Saying the things I just can’t handle right now.
The thing is though, I’m starting to get upset with MYSELF when I get like this. I take a good, hard look in the mirror and tell myself that anybody else would just be able to shake it off and let it go. Not overthink it to death. So lately I’ve started stopping myself before I get upset. When those little social triggers happen, I stop myself. I take a breath and think about literally anything else. Distraction is the first step. Move away from the trigger slowly but surely. I let my body calm and put my mind at ease. You are stronger than this, I repeat to myself. Sometimes that’s all it takes and I calm right down. Other times I spar with my anxiety until I just can’t anymore.
Does anyone else get upset due to their anxiety? Because I feel like it happens just too often for me to be the only one! Over and out my friends!